a snippet, briefly

this isnt the beginning, its just what came to mind first.

A doctor's appointment in 50 minutes, fear of needles and tingling down my legs. the familiar early-morning acid churning in my stomach. I woke up in a cold sweat, forcing myself out of bed, moving before I'm really awake. My body will get there, my mind will shake off the shackles of sleep en route. It's an old trick mastered by dangerous, driven men. I'm neither of those now, only seldom driven to the metallic click of a zippo and smoke curling between my fingers.

But onward, going through the motions with my mind like a rider dead in the saddle, the horse knows what to do. Wash off the film of stale sweat and the oppressive weight of too many mistakes. They cling to me like an insulating cape of filth.

Time to go. Maybe it wont be so bad. Maybe it'll be worse. Wont know until I get there. Am I awake yet?